Shut up, Hayley.

I hate this whole "diary" or "journal entry" idea for a blog; because I don't necessarily like getting personal with people, but once again I feel like I need to share what God has laid upon my heart. 

It's amazing how much God can teach you in the matter of a few weeks.

I don't think I've ever had so many emotions run through me in such a short period of time. I was happy. Then I was devastated & cried more than I thought was possible. Hopeful. Then nerves kicked in. I got anxious. Devastated (again) and discouraged beyond belief. 

Now? I'm content. At peace, and at ease. 

I hate it when things don't go my way. It's irritating. 

Oh, but that's the selfish human coming out in me again. Oops. 

I can't control what God has in store for me. I can't. No matter how hard I try and no matter how much I want something...God might not want me to have it. He might have another plan for me; whether or not I like it. 

I called a friend of mine the other day because I missed his voice and I needed someone to talk to. He asked me a a question; 


"Do you know more than God?"


For some reason that question struck me. Who do I think I am to get upset about something I can't control? I obviously don't know what He's doing but His plan is always perfect and right. His second question was even better. 


"Do you believe God knows what He's doing?" 


Yeah, I do. I'm so dumb. Absolutely stupid. I can't control His plan for my life. I believe God knows what He's doing so I just gotta stop getting so worked up over something I can't control!


What I know now is that God didn't want me to play hockey this year. Sure, it hurts & it sucks and I think it's completely unfair that I don't get to play, but I'm not going to sit and pout about it. 

Maybe it's time I started focusing more on Christ instead of hockey. Over the past 2 years I've spent my entire life on hockey, and that's wrong! Jesus needs to be the center of everything I do. 


I'm not sure what God has in store for me for the future, but I'm thanking Him for opening up my eyes & realizing that I just need to shut up and let Him work His stuff. 

I'm pretty thankful for my amazing family & friends who have been supportive of my crappy attitude lately. You guys are the best. 

 Psalm 64:10 -"The righteous shall be glad in the LORD, and shall trust in him; and all the upright in heart shall glory"

-Hayley

Biterness, Forgiveness, & Letting Go

Firstly, I'd just like to say that this summer has been the most amazing summer of my life. I have made the most incredible friends & God has blessed me with the most amazing relationships & friendships. You all have no idea how sad I am to wave summer goodbye & say hello to fall. (Even though autumn is my favorite season) The only reason I'm praising that summer is gone is 1.) Hockey season!! and 2.) NO MORE MOWING!

Secondly, I really need you all to pray for me as hockey tryouts are coming up in less than a week! I am unbelievably nervous and just thinking about it makes me want to run through a wall. For most people hockey is just a sport but for me it's my passion & it's very very important to me. So please, pray that I don't vomit on the ice from being so nervous. Ha. :)  


In youth group we talked about forgiveness. Since I was on a rant on my previous blog post about others persecuting & judging you, I thought that maybe forgiveness would be a good topic tonight. 


Forgiving is hard. It's probably one of the hardest things we as humans will ever have to do. I think it's so hard for us people to forgive because we don't want to be nice to the people who hurt us. That's my struggle, anyway. Why should I forgive this person whom has caused me so much pain?! Oh, that's right...because if I'm living by what the Bible says then I should PRAY for those her persecute me. 

  Matthew 5:44-

 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

Tough, eh? Sometimes I would rather punch people in the face than forgive & pray for them. BUT, that's not very Christ-like.

 
Okay. So let me get this straight. I'm not only to love my enemies, bless people that curse me, do good to those who hate me & PRAY for them who despitefully use me? Not easy, not fun, but it's what I have to do. Who said being a Christian was easy anyway? Forgiveness is tough. 

Simple as this; It's the least I can do, considering Christ died for me.

I leave you with a verse from 1 Peter;
 

Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name. —1 Peter 4:12-14, 1

Whoa. Let him NOT be ashamed. 

Read the verse over. Read it over again if you have to. Read for a fourth time if ya want. I don't care how many times you read it but let it sink in. 


-Hayley

Mom, Boos, and 1700 miles of the West

I'm back. Not that anyone has really missed me. ;) Since the kids are out, I have an opportunity to write and share how Jesus has been working in my life. The last week of July I had the opportunity given to me from WC Foods and River of Joy (ROJ) (a ministry for Native people on the Pine Ridge Reservation) to travel to South Dakota. I am forever grateful for the opportunity that was given to me.

South Dakota Sunset

Here are some of the highlights:

I met some really great friends on this trip. The people of ROJ are great women of God. By the end of the week Kathy Naugle was used to me calling her "Mom". One of Mom's favorite past times is outrunning the storms that I encouraged her to drive into. Kelly Boos (pronunciation BOOZE) and I immediately formed the team of "Boos and Money" and had a great time playing "True or False?" at the expense of Dave. Is it true Kelly has a dog named Scooby? Pastor Rick Evans came along because Kathy is active in the church he pastors. Rick was able to see what ROJ is all about. Rick was my driver the night I finally reached Rapid City. (I believe God places airports in people's paths to teach them patience.)  I think we were a little delirious as we recited the lines of Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. We made to the cabin on the Flying Heart Ranch in one piece after traveling what seemed like 416 miles of Nebraska dirt road.

The Whole Gang
Me, Rick, Ken, Mom & Boos

Ken Brandes, who has been a friend for the last year, was also along for the trip. Ken has been instrumental in showing me the ropes to Native ministry.  Ken and I had a great week.  We got to know each other and were able to talk about where the Lord is calling us in service on Pine Ridge Reservation. The King of Kings brought immediate unity and the Fast Wolf project was born.  (More details on that in following messages.)

The Fast Wolfs

Along with these great friends we had the opportunity to mingle with the Native pastors in the community. ROJ  is an encouragement.  They focus on edifying the body by supporting the Native/White Pastors in their role among the people. We attended a camp meeting amongst the Lakota, rode on a school bus, played games, and drove a ton. Everything is spread out the res, no joke! 1700 miles in a week is what our total miles driven ended up being!


However, the most powerful point of the entire week was when The Lord revealed His calling to me. When I left SD, I left part of me. My soul longs to go back.  I don't know just yet how God will use our family amongst the Lakota. This is what I know:

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:  For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?  Matthew 7:7-9

When I came home I wondered how Native Ministry would be received. Our Pastor spoke on living outside the four walls of the church and serving God with your whole heart. This is the way God has been speaking to me for over a year now. (That would be the still small voice.) I might have a bowel movement if the audible voice ever occurred.  

Seeking the purposes of God is not high on the list of Americans but as Joshua said "as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord".

We look forward, as a family, to see what God has in store for us. This we do know, it will always be about bringing Honor and Glory to His Son Jesus.

Blessed are YOU

I don't understand why people talk & say things that are so hurtful. 


I really didn't want this blog to become a personal diary for me. I would rather have it be somewhere I can express my opinions and thoughts on certain subjects, without going into my personal life. 


This week though...I don't know what's gotten into me. 


How would you describe the term "friend"? It's just a name, a label, for somebody who is very close to you, right? Somebody who you open up to, tell your darkest secrets & fears to. Someone who will listen to you ramble for hours and hours about nothing in particular. That person you call up on the tele at 3 AM to talk to because you can't sleep. A friend. 


Where do you draw the line of a friend, to an enemy? Or, should I say...What happens when this so-called "friend" is accusing you of things you never did or said. How do you deal with the fact that this "friend" is telling lies about you to others, or lying straight to your face? Do you approach the person, or do you let it go & let God handle it? And, can this friendship ever be mended?

I struggle with this so much. Being friends with someone for your entire life & then one day...They're talking about you behind your back. You're hearing things about yourself that you didn't even know & certainly aren't true. Rumors are spread, lies are told & hearts are broken.  Judgmental statements are spit in your face, and you're hearing things you never even dreamed about hearing. 

“Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. —Matthew 5:10-12

As I was laying in bed this morning, with my KJV Bible spread across my lap, (Which btw- is falling apart. It's time to pull out some duct tape & fix her up) I read this verse & found extreme comfort in it. 

I don't know if others are dealing with the same issues I am, but I feel as though this is something all Christians go through.

If people (or should I say "friends") talk about me then fine! Let the rumors fly! I know who I am & I know that one day, I get to see Jesus and party with HIM in Heaven. I don't need to tear up other people's lives and hurt them. That is not my job because the only person I have to answer to is Christ,..... oh, & my parents. 

I'm praying that God will give me a peace throughout this. So far, He has. Without Christ, I don't exactly know what things would be flying outta my mouth towards those people. It's almost as though He's clamped a hand over my mouth so I won't blow up. He's basically saying "Shut up, Hayley. I've got this."  

And, He proved that He's got it under control by showing me that verse this morning. :)

If anything, I leave you with words of encouragement. Just pray, no matter what the issue. Ask, & you shall receive. Trust me, you will. God has provided me with comfort beyond words & feelings. 

Life is g o o d.